It's Just One Year

I'm strongly convinced that in a tough situation one of the best things you can do for yourself is have a good mantra. Whatever it may be, so long as it works for you and your situation. Have a fat ass? "Donuts are the devil". That may actually be a new one for me....But I'm falling off course here. from nearly the day Jude was born mine has been "It's just one year" . I know it's a terrible thing to wish time away from your baby's childhood but I was and sometimes still am desperate for an end to the stress. I kept thinking that babies are very needy and if I could just get to that point where he can move around and express what is wrong it would all be easier. Magically his first birthday would come and a weight would be lifted. Supermom would emerge from the hole she's been stuffed in and suddenly my baby would be happy all the time. He would never get sick, he would be equally attatched to his daddy as he is me. It's not that things havent gotten MUCH better but that year is one week away. It's just one week and nobody waved the magic wand. The fact of the matter is there is no wand because there is no problem. Well, except maybe me. I have wished away an entire year and while that time seemed like it was moving so slow at the time I look back now and it pains me that I didnt see how fast it was really going. So here we are amidst the party planning to celebrate just that one year. My new mantra? "It's just one life". I'm only going to get this one life, and I can only give each of my children one life.  If it kills me I have to find away to enjoy every moment of it because my one year of self pity is over. Children are children. The "easy" ones, and the not so easy ones. Jude may never be an easy kid. He may keep my grinding my teeth in frustration for the rest of my life, but from now on I'm not just going to wait for his life to pass me by. He's a perfect little life changing monster, and no matter how much you may hear me bitch, I wouldn't have it any other way.