I Cant Write Songs I Can Write Poems With Bad Form

 I'm so lucky, I seem to have it all
 but the pedestal is cracked and built for me to fall.

 Buy me all the things to make my world complete,
 tell me that I'm lucky that my life just cant be beat.

 I could tell you why you're wrong but I'd rather just fake it through.
 Why bother getting judged when I can be just like you.

 Hold me down, break my spirit. I'll accept it when you're done.
This is right, now I'm perfect. The world has finally won.

I drone through, my guilt will lead the way.
I can fool the whole world, I know just what to say.

 The luckiest girl who ever lived may not be allowed true pain.
Nothing in life is bad enough to outweigh what she has to gain.

 Let her die slowly, dismiss anything that made her real.
Work harder, look better, do more and to hell with the way you feel.

Life can be imprisoning, isolation at best.
Simple to see the bad but blinded to the rest.

Its Not All Bad

If only in the moments when it seems as bad as it could possibly get I could remember this one little phrase....Its not all bad. Hell, if only we could all remember it. I am no ray of poetic sunshine. My muse is and always has been misery. I can see the dark and I can exploit it, I can make it shine by making it real. What I have never been able to do is glorify what is already good. But I can try.....The feeling I had and the look on Eric's face the day we decided "F*$% it lets have babies!" will never die in my memory. Its not something you can recreate or compare to anything else. Something that the thought of alone can bring excitement and happiness of the purest kind is pretty powerful, and I made those somethings. I haven't done everything right, I make mistakes that eat at my heart and mind every single night. Yet every morning they wake up happy to see me, they love me and need me. This is the kind of love not everyone receives in life. I have been under the impression that my luck is poor because i'm not looking at the real picture. Only the luckiest people on earth have what I have. I get to play zombies anytime I want. I get to rewrite the rules of reality and tell stories that will never be questioned. High fives are never denied, and hugs from your my kids are pretty much the cure to anything. It takes a lot to maintain this life. It's hard work and I usually have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm convinced it's worth while. I love them. I call them monsters, I complain about them endlessly, they have driven me to tears and tantrums of my own. I have written numerous blog entries that make it sound as if I could walk away from it all, but in the end you will just have to believe me. I wouldn't change a thing, I love them more than my own misery, they will always win that battle.