I am a plague of contagious misery

Waking in the morning to a sky which seems to be perpetually grey becomes a redundant and painful experience that i see you struggle even harder to overcome. I once pitied myself, selfishly assuming this was a weight that only I would ever carry. Time passed by and slowly eroded your stoic ability to remain my strength. Never realizing that with each descent into my pain I dragged you a little closer to that place where you can't climb back. Struggling to keep you alive, not breathing but truly living, it kills me more than anything ever could before. No bleeding wound nor moment of grief would ever compare to the feeling of watching all that i know you to be drain out like sand in an hour glass. Counting down the time until you can't see my love anymore. My fears and delusions run deep in these times, always exaggerating a situation that you can't help but deny and downplay. Electric rage for my own destructive nature beams out of me in a way you can't see but I can't not feel. It burns and it pushes back as I try to contain every curious question. Never allowing me to stifle my need to invade your personal pain. Is this Love? Is this devotion, or obsession or just a self sabotaging cycle I can't help but repeat. I can't answer to that but to say it is real, and intense and even in the best of times it hurts like nothing else....just knowing it can't be that good forever. The mania and wild passion will always have an expiration date and that time seems shorter the more intense the joy becomes. It is truly entering into the greatest love story of all time only to experience the end over and over in a loop that leaves you wondering if the next time it might not come back. What if your smiles all become fake and the deep rooted all consuming pain i endure in response never relents? I'll hold this burning ember of all our anguish calmly in my hand until the next flip of the hour glass. Never without the scar to remind me the sand always runs out.