Like a child testing limits, poking bears that are sure to attack. I push a little further than i know I should each time. heart racing, mouth dried up and hands shaking beyond my control I toe the line of security. Announcing my secrets, airing the clean and dirty as if they were the same. Because there was never a secret that was far from being a lie that would someday be found out. I won't shame my pain to protect the world. I won't smile through my broken soul. We don't tell you "I'm fine" to hide ourselves, it's only to protect you from the awkward moments nobody prefers to experience. You are not my children, I owe you no safety. Pretending to be the type to alter my behavior would be unfair to us all. I've taken on the love of many who in their entire selves don't always please me but I didn't walk away.
I am stifled, constantly on the edge of the next thing but chained down and unable to leap. Calm on the outside and running circles of shrieking panic inside. Trapped in a cage I built with you and now you're stuck inside too. Some days the sun will shine, the bars seem further apart and the cage seems big enough to stretch our legs...but I dare you to imagine a time when you couldn't at least see the bars in the distance. Knowing you're never truly free of the restraints we've made. Fearing when the sun is not warm and the space gets constricted. Painfully aware that the good is not permanent.
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